WHY I KICKED MY (UNHEALTHY)EGO TO THE CURB
Being young, coming into my own, and discovering how to truly and deeply love myself, love others, and have a sense of security in this world, I found over the course of many years that I had been building my sense of self on a pretty shaky foundation.
I have searched high and low for happiness outside of myself, fumbling outwardly to find meaning, purpose, and something I could find in the world to fill me with happiness and security. I heavily relied on the approval of others and has a crippling fixation on appearances and material items; this was all temporarily gratifying, but in no way a path to true and lasting happiness.
I clung to my opinions like they were the only possible truths, for me and for everyone else. I quite often compared myself to others and was in continuous, silent competition with those around me. I felt the need to constantly prove myself, had an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and was horribly critical of both myself and others.
This is all a pretty classic example of what I’ll call ‘unhealthy egotism’.
All of the above worked for a while, providing me with the security I had been searching for, even if it was incredibly unstable. But, when someone disapproved of me, criticized me, or judged me, it felt pretty awful, and I felt the need to be defensive in order to keep my unhealthy ego from turning black and blue.
It is, after all, a dangerous thing to place your sense of self-worth in the hands of something that is so easily shaken, like the unhealthy ego.
Maybe it’s getting older, wiser, and losing some of my emotional immaturity, but I’m coming to do things a little differently. I’m coming to believe in a pretty wonderful thing I call ‘healthy egotism’, and try to put it into practice every day.
Healthy egotism, living at the level of the soul, doesn’t leave me feeling unsafe in an unstable world, but rather leaves me feeling a profound sense of safety that originates from a deep level of self-love and acceptance.
When living at this soul level, I don’t need the approval of others to validate my existence, or to be in competition with anyone or anything. Rather, I open myself up to allow harmony and cooperation to pervade, instead of closing myself off to the world in defensiveness and fear.
Living at a soul level means that I find love first and foremost within myself, and root myself in that love. I open my mind and heart to accept all kinds of truths as being relevant, as having their place in a world of spectacular diversity. I believe myself to be not a victim of circumstance, but rather a powerful creator in a universe that can be as narrow or as vast as I so choose – a universe that always has my back, no matter what.
There is a vast world under the unstable surface of life that provides us with a foundation that never cracks, crumbles, or falters; even on the darkest of days it’s glittering and gleaming with strength and vitality. This foundation of deep self-love is eternally healthy, happy, and whole.
When we return to the holiest, purest parts of ourselves, we see that there is an essence of pure vitality and energy that is always there, and we don’t need our unhealthy egos in order to thrive. Unhealthy egotism is limiting and imprisoning, while healthy egotism and living from the soul is freeing and expansive.
So, if you, too, want to pop your ego balloon…
1. Let go of your need to be right.
2. Let go of the need to be superior.
3. Stop being offended.
4. Let go of identifying yourself by your achievements.
5. Let go of the need to win.
6. Let go of your reputation.
7. Let go of your need to have more.