I can’t even tell you how many years of my life I’ve wasted trying to be “perfect”, exhausting myself in the pursuit of the unattainable. Even when I’ve reached a level of (what I felt was) perfection, it was still never enough.
That’s the thing with perfection – it’s all a future-tense, anxious quest for something that is, well, an illusion. A myth. One that depletes you mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. What I thought would feel ‘perfect’ never felt so perfect once I got there.
For me, my desire for perfection stemmed from the inner feeling of not-enoughness. Feeling a void and attempting to fill it by making sure everything outside of me was kept really, really shiny and really, really polished. I held myself to exceptionally high standards – with my writing, my body, my job and my relationships.
It took me a long time to come to the understanding that I was, in all reality, scared. I was afraid of what others thought of me (though I was, and still am, my harshest critic), afraid of being a cracked and flawed human being, and afraid of not measuring up. Afraid of not being enough.
This is, and always will be, total bullshit, my friends. We are meant to be messy, flawed, imperfect beings. This is part of what makes this journey so awesome – letting our hair down, allowing ourselves to be un-zipped, unmasked, and totally free. Letting ourselves be seen in all our naked imperfection, by our own eyes and by the eyes of those around us. Those worth being in your existence, and those that deserve to be there, will love you even MORE once you really reveal yourself, anyhow! Vulnerability, and showing your true colors, is, and always will be, strength.
I by no means am saying that we shouldn’t strive for the best in our lives. But, there is a difference between happily pursuing goals, and desperately, anxiously reaching out for an unattainable level of satisfaction. What is truly beautiful is confidence, character, and being uniquely who we are, no matter what!.